


Ice Sickles

by UnderwaterNearHome



Series: Lucifer Side Stories [1]
Category: Lucifer (TV)
Genre: Eventual Smut, F/M, Fluff and Angst, God is a dick, Hell, Hurt Lucifer Morningstar (Lucifer TV), Lovers to Friends to Lovers, Lucifer (TV) Season/Series 05 Part 1, Major Character Injury, Maze Isn't as loyal as she thinks, Michael is a Little Shit, Protective Lucifer Morningstar (Lucifer TV), Slow Burn, Suicide
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-06
Updated: 2021-03-07
Packaged: 2021-03-19 05:20:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 12,633
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29869749
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/UnderwaterNearHome/pseuds/UnderwaterNearHome
Summary: “Do you have any brain cells left?”“Well despite the fact that you humans don’t know half of your very own anatomy, I doubt you could even begin to understand the very tangents that make up the Devil.”“What are we made of?”“You, M’dear I can only imagine.”“From taste alone I would assume something sweet, maybe a nice fondue?”
Relationships: Amenadiel & Linda Martin (Lucifer TV), God & Michael (Lucifer TV), Lucifer Morningstar (Lucifer TV) & Reader, Lucifer Morningstar (Lucifer TV)/Reader
Series: Lucifer Side Stories [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2195931
Comments: 1
Kudos: 4





	1. At least it wasn't a text

**Author's Note:**

> This was going to be a one chapter kind of deal- that is until I decided I wanted quite a long slow burn.
> 
> So this is not, one episode.
> 
> This is the length of a whole MF season, babes.

The twinkle in Lucifer’s eye catches you as you melt like putty in his hands. You’re _both_ sitting on your desk. After years of seeing the fabric on his ass as you did your paperwork, you had finally decided to just start sitting on your desk with him when he came. You swear that man is the devil for a reason. He really was the picture of temptation.

“Do you have any brain cells left?” He looks as if he’s thinking for a second before he grins at you.

“Well despite the fact that you humans don’t know _half_ of your very own anatomy, I doubt you could even begin to understand the very tangents that make up the Devil.” A slow grin spreads across your face and you lean into him, your head on his shoulder as he kicks his feet, one heel behind the other.

“What _are_ we made of?” He raises an eyebrow at you and shifts in his seat. Picking up a little mug full of candy that you kept on your desk.

“You, M’dear I can only imagine.” He purrs before leaning down in your ear to whisper.

“From taste alone I would assume something _sweet_ , maybe a nice fondue?” You laugh just as he pulls away from your ear and picks out a piece of caramel candy, setting the mug back down.

“As for the rest of humanity,” he unwraps and pops the little candy into his mouth, “stupidity.”

You elbow him softly, the smile never faltering. He bites down on the candy and you hear the clack.

“Take Daniel here for example.” Dan looks up from a file he was reading and scrunches his face at Lucifer. Lucifer leans down closer to you, pointing at Dan as he spoke.

“What about Daniel, Darling, says ‘Intelligent Mortal’?” You laugh and snort a bit loud and he smirks. Dan scowls and continues on to his desk. Lucifer watches you with fascination as your hand reaches out to intertwine with his.

“I guess that’s fair.” It’s his turn to snort as he leans into you.

“Not that being stupid is a bad thing, I would _love_ to do some very stupid things with you right abo-” his smile falters as he looks at you, his brows furrowing in confusing.

“Y/n?” Lucifer waves a hand in front of your face and tries to shake you, your body moves with his touch but stops whenever he lets go. He’s pretty sure he could throw you in the air and you would float.

“What the devil is this….” his voice trails off as realization hits him and he hops off the desk, seething.

_Amenadiel you wretched bastard!_

“Amenadiel!” Lucifer opens the office door and storms in. Amenadiel stops pacing for a moment and he seemingly tenses.

“Luci! Look!” The Angel points to his infant son, the fear evident in his eyes. Lucifer rolls his eyes.

“If you could kindly _unfreeze_ the world, that would be _greatly_ appreciated, dear brother.” Amenadiel can be as stubborn as an ox when he wants to be. Like now, for example.

“Luci, my son is frozen still!” Lucifer squints at his brother, opening his mouth to speak.

“I congratulate you on your _fantastic_ deduction skills but I’m quite _busy,_ brother. So if you could just simply-”

“Do you know what this means?!” Lucifer looks at Amenadiel a moment, waiting.

“He is MORTAL. My son will age and- and feel _pain._ ” Lucifer nods.

“Oh. I see. You’ve stopped time to keep that from happening.” It’s silent for a minute before Lucifer raises his voice, glaring at his brother, “Well could you please press play and deal with your parental anxieties _later?!_ ” Amenadiel ignores him and looks fearfully at his son.

“This isn’t me!”

“Well of course not consciously but _subconsciously_ you’ve stopped time for your own FEARS.” Amenadiel shakes his head and starts to pace again.

“For the last time, I don’t know how to stop it!”

“Well is there any chance you could simply STOP BEING AFRAID?!” Amenadiel sighs frustratedly.

  
“Easier said than done.” Lucifer's face falls as he turns to the door beside Amenadiel. Micheal is hunched over as usual with a sickening grin.

“Amenadiel. I am impressed.” Amenadiels shoulders straighten and he turns to the door behind him as well.

Lucifer glares daggers into his twin brother as Amenadiel slowly (without looking away from Micheal) places himself beside Lucifer. Both brothers shoulder to shoulder as they watch Michael.

“I was hoping that you would-” Micheal looks around, “-spiral out of control, but completely stopping time?”

Lucifer glances at Amenadiel before returning his glare to Michael. Just as his twin laughs, smiling at them.

Lucifer swears to himself that he will rid the world of his twin if he lays a finger on you.

“Way to be an overachiever!” Micheal comments, excitedly. Lucifer has to bite down on his tongue to keep from growling.

“Well if it isn’t Mr. _Bigger Plans_ himself.” Lucifer takes a dangerous step forward, eyeing his twin like prey. “Of course you’re behind this too.”

“How are you and the little _love bird_ doing, hmm?” Lucifer grits his teeth as he takes another predatory step forward.

“Have you realized it will never work yet?” He glances behind him at you.

From just the dart of his eye he mesmerizes you.

“Look, I get going after me but why bring Amenadiel into this?” Lucifer seethes, “What’s your endgame here?”

Michael smiles.

“Oh you’ll just have to wait and see. And I didn’t do anything to Amenadiel. I mean I can’t help it if he’s afraid of his son’s soggy nose.” Lucifer scoffs.

“Amenadiel. Michael is probably responsible for Charlie’s Illness.”

“Come on, I would never-”

“He’s lying.”

Amenadiel squints at Michael as he takes a step forward.

“Amenadiel! What makes more sense? That I somehow gave your child a cold-” They both glance down at Charlie.

“Or that Chuckie here got sick because he’s a frail little mortal who's destined to suffer and die a horrible human _death_?” Lucifer is quite surprised that Amenadiel hasn’t swung on his twin already. Actually, Lucifer’s surprised he himself hasn’t already swung.

“Amenadiel, Charlie’s not going to die.” Lucifer says, glancing at the man and his child.

“Now who’s lying?” Lucifer is scowling and gritting his teeth, his reply all throat.

“ _I meant anytime soon_ ”

“But they grow up so fast.” Michael murmurs, looking at the baby.

“Don’t listen to him brother, don’t let him get inside of your head-”

“I’m just saying what he’s already thinking.”

Amenadiel is heaving and gritting his teeth and pursing his lips. He lets out a quick growl as he grabs Michael by the neck and pushes him backwards.

“WHY?! WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS?!”

Michael scowls.

“Oh again with the blame game. It’s not my fault you impregnated one of these filthy little humans-”

Lucifer is beyond furious and silently thanks not god, that his brother swings his fist and Lucifer feels a bit of a tingle in his gut when it collides with his twin's face.

_‘May I have a turn?’_ He thinks with a never faltering scowl.

Michael laughs and Lucifer can’t help it. He glances back at you again. This time his eyes lingering just a bit longer.

You're still frozen and looking up at the place he was, leaning your head against what _was_ him, but is now air.

“I mean look at her. So helpless.” Lucifer forces himself to stop thinking about you, just as Michael tilts his head with a fairly creepy smile, “Just like your son.”

Amenadiel looks at his son and then Micheal and then roars like a lion as he tries to swing again. Lucifer watches Maze step out from the doorway and in one swift movement- grab Amenadiel’s fist and hold it in place.

Blocking his punch and with them both grunting as she lowers his fist and gives him a shove. Lucifer swivels around, facing Maze with a look of confusion.

“Maze. Why are you defending him?”

Lucifer resists the urge to look at you again.

“Because he promised me a soul!” Lucifer laughs a bit.

“That’s impossible!” He remarks, glancing at Michael.

“Why? Because I’m _just a demon_?” Lucifer nods, a smile on his face.

“Exactly!” 

Maze roars as she spins and sends a powerful kick into Lucifer’s chest, sending him through the glass, the glass itself floating as it breaks. He finally lands, his eyes wide.

And then he turns his attention back over to you, and he watches you, only looking away when he hears the screech of Maze’s knives and the glass floating out of her way as she walks through.

“Get up.”

He stood up and braced himself.

“Were not done.”

{/*[~|~]*\\}

…

His hair is messed up and he’s out of breath even though he doesn’t need to breathe. Amenadiel has a hand on Lucifer to steady him as Michael and Maze stand opposite them, hatred in their eyes.

“Mazikeen.” Maze turns and tosses him a knife in his open, held out, hand.

A glint of fear races through the Devil’s eyes as he pauses. He watches Michael reposition the dagger in his hand and glance at you. 

_You._

His heart stops for a second when Michael pulls his hand back, ready to throw the knife. He makes a grunting noise as he rushes over, holding his hand out as it flies. 

He barely catches it before it touches you.

A deep un human growl leaves his lips as he pants and throws it behind him, taking slow and deadly steps back into the fight.

He grabs Maze by the back of her neck, pulls her back to face him, and swings as hard as he possibly can, right into her stomach. She visibly hunches over and her body flings against a desk before sliding on the floor. Her eyes shutting.

{/*[~|~]*\\}

…

“How is being stupid not a-” You’re caught off guard by the lack of balance and have to dart out your hand to balance yourself.

Luci- did he just disappear?

Looking around, you turn around and slowly hop off the desk, fear and confusion clearly written in your eyes.

“Lucifer?” You look around at everyone around you. You slowly reach out to a female cop that’s walking by.

“Have you seen, Lucifer?” The officer furrows her eyebrows in confusion and looks around.

“Mr. Morningstar? No but I thought he was with you?” She says, giving you a glance over before continuing on. You mutter a small thank you to her as you squint.

_Wasn’t he right- where is- What?_

A small frown toys across your lips as you look up and over at a conference room.

“Amenadiel? What are you-” You pause and bite your lip, looking around again.

“Have you seen Lucifer? I swear he just disappeared.” The darker man seems to stiffen before shaking his head and holding the door open for Linda, who is a bit paler than she was when she walked in.

“Linda? Are you okay?” You watch her visibly gulp as she shakes her head, staring in front of her, clearly lost in thought.

“We better get going , Charlie can get fussy when he’s out for too long.” You force a smile onto your face as you look down into the stroller at the little baby. His eyes glint with innocence and it takes just the tiniest bit of your worry away.

“Aww. A little home body.” You coo, poking his little belly and making him laugh. Charlie looks up at you, and as you make eye contact you can feel a little piece of you slowly get washed away in a sea of warmth.

You offer Amenadiel a grin as he pushes the stroller, pulling Linda along with him.

“See ya!” You call out after them, your face instantly slipping back into a frown.

_That was weird._

You stretch your arms over your head before yawning into your fist and walking back to your desk and grabbing your phone.

**_Lucifer? Did you flap those wings of yours to get me some food? I’m starving._ **

You try not to let your thoughts wander as you take a seat at your desk, picking up the paperwork you had ignored to hang out with Lucifer. _And there it goes again!_ Think about anything, anything other than those handsome brown eyes.

A small smile plays on your lips as you (besides trying your hardest not to) think about more than just his eyes. Now that you think about it- you were totally up to mess around with him today. I mean the Devil himself, as you all know, has a very strong libido.

_And stamina-_

Nope. Not thinking about that.

Not thinking about- oh for fucks sake.

You open your phone again, a mischievous smile.

**_Maybe I should come over?_ **

You wait for a few minutes for a reply that never comes. Maybe his phone had died? Where even was he? Devil or not- he has no right to just- just disappear!

Every worry you had moments ago returned in waves.

_He was right beside me and then he just-_

You shook your head sadly and opened the file. You’ve never had to deal with a relationship when the man himself had wings. There should be a book! If so… what would disappearing say? Is that even a big enough thing to have a chapter on?

And NOW- you were being just a _bit_ dramatic.

But isn’t that at least half of the ingredients when it came to Lucifer? Crazy? Dramatic? One time you were both so angry with each other you had a- a shiver ran through your spin -sin off.

You were both so pleasantly angry with one another that you teased. Surprisingly enough the whole precinct never found out. At least as far as you knew, that is.

You both were slightly insane, to say in the least. He would wear his orgy pants (despite not having an orgy since he had met you) and wiggle his ass in front of everyone. You knew it was because of you too after that stunt you pulled, spilling something on and then taking off your shirt while questioning a suspect. He had _physically_ growled and covered you with his over coat.

That’s why when you had been in a conference, as he sat boredly across the room, you closed your eyes and held your hand to your chest.

You assumed praying to angels meant something, right? Did the devil get prayers? You decided the Tuesday evening lecture was a perfect place to find out.

You had let your mind whip up pictures and memories of his cock, and then thought Lucifer’s name. Sending them all his way.

You snapped your eyes open to see Lucifer had tensed and was staring right at you like a deer caught in headlights.

You tried to hold back a laugh as you turned back to the front, silently sending him some non PG-13 words, phrases, and _pleas_. By the end of it, he had stood up with a massive erection and a small smirk.

Now that you thought about it-

Couldn’t you pray to him now?

You were slightly thankful that at the very least the dirty memory served some working purpose.

You closed your eyes and with a dirty smirk on your face, sent Lucifer a small and silent plead to make his location known.

“Praying to the big guy?” Your eyes widened and you dropped your hands as if you were just caught watching porn. Well, _sending_ porn.

You stuttered as you replied, a blush on your cheeks and your hands straightening files and placing the mug Lucifer had moved earlier, back. A small innocent grin replaced your features and you looked up at Ella.

“Just trying for some answers.” Ella nods, pursing her lips.

“Ya know I try for answers too, and he won’t always answer right away or in the way you want him to.” She says, giving you almost a sad, yet hopeful smile.

You nod, standing up and picking up the file you had been working on as your mind aimlessly wandered through the memories you shared of Lucifer.

“Can you take this to Chloe? I finished it.” Ella nods.

“Sure thang.” She grabs it and walks away, a bit of a pep in her step that you always admired.

The slow gut feeling started to crawl at you again and you sighed before grabbing up your phone to check.

_No reply._

Well it’s not like he was busy by any means. This time though, you sighed frustratedly and set your phone down.

Work will certainly keep your mind off of his- er- uh, jokes?

That reminds you he told this really funny-

_Fuck._

{/*[~|~]*\\}

“Doctor!” Linda looks up from her desk, a small frown etched into her lips and her glasses lower down on her nose than she usually wore them.

“I think my problems need a bit of attention.” Linda nodded and stood. She knew where this was going and she had quite a bit to ask herself.

“Why does Amenadieal have to leave? What did you two do?” Lucifer's mouth falls agape before he tilts his head, confused.

“My, my, Doctor. Quite eager to go first I see.” She nods solemnly, not even denying the many questions that teetered on her lips.

“I see Amenadiel decided to inform you of our _predicament._ ” Linda’s eyebrows were brought together, watching Lucifer suspiciously.

“What do you mean, _our_?” She asks, leaning forward, Lucifer’s eyes lit up with something Linda couldn’t quite describe as she prepared herself mentally.

She had learned a long time ago that anything coming out of Lucifer’s mouth was terrifying, ugly, dangerous, or sexually inclined. Either way she needed to prepare herself.

“How good of him to let me be the bearer of bad news.” Lucifer said sarcastically as he crossed his legs.

“Michael and Amenadiel are to return to Heaven.” She nodded, that much she knew, “And I am to return to hell… again.” Linda paused before letting her mouth fall open and her eyebrows knit together.

“What?” Lucifer picked a piece of lint off of his suit and continued on as if it was nothing.

“Yes, Yes. I am to leave for hell the second time this year. Feels like I’ve had a nap or something of that sort. What has it been? A month since I’ve returned?” Linda just continues to process the information she has been given.

How is he so calm? That’s just it wasn’t it? He’s _not_ calm.

“And you’re-” she pauses, “-you’re not upset by any of this?”

He seems to mull it over for a few seconds before taking a deep breath and continuing.

“Well of course I’m upset, Doctor. I’ve just been told by my absent father that I have to go back to hell or who knows what will happen? Isn’t speaking to your absent father like a certain goal in moving forward for you human’s? I strikingly remember readin-”

“-Your going to hell again?” It’s Lucifer’s turn to frown in confusion.

“Come on, Doctor, do keep up.” She thinks for a second before her eyes sparkle.

“And Y/n knows this?” Lucifer stiffens and she wants to let out a sigh of relief, she had started somewhere worth exploring, good.

“No.” He seethes, looking at the floor.

“And what exactly did you tell her when she unfroze?” Lucifer’s mouth opened before it dropped slightly and him not answering the question was an answer in itself.

“You did talk to her, didn’t you?” Lucifer grimaces and Linda huffs back in annoyance.

“Lucifer you can’t push her away at a time like this!” He rubs a tired hand over his face and nods.

“Yes yes, I am well aware at how much you despise when I do-”

“It’s not just despising it, Lucifer. You’re holding in these feelings that will never go away. You’re trying to find a false sense of hope in something that you can’t avoid!”

He rolls his eyes slightly.

“I don’t want her to have to deal with these…” he pauses as if looking for the right word, “... burdens.”

And by the look she gives him, he hadn’t found the right one after all.

“Look Lucifer, you’re facing away from your problems when instead you should _embrace_ them. You two are a couple now. If you were ever a strong couple to start with, you could get through this.”

Lucifer scowls.

“But-” She’s quickly interrupted again as she leans forward, locking eyes with the devil himself as she spoke.

“What do you plan to do? Not tell her and then disappear one day? Oh or would you rather pull away and leave her hurt and stranded and thinking she doesn’t deserve love because the man she fell in love with has _left_ her and she doesn’t know where to.”

It pulls a nerve and they both sense the tension in the air as he grumbles out-

‘She deserves more than love’ and Linda frowns, nodding to him.

“Exactly, my point, Lucifer.” Lucifer sighs and finally looks back into Linda’s eyes without hesitation.

And she sees it in his eyes that he is finally seeing her point, finally understanding. She could finally walk out of one of their meetings satisfied that she did any good in the devil’s lif-

“So I can’t leave her in the blink of an eye, and I can’t drag it out. SO why would I leave her at all when I can leave her?” Dread over takes Linda and she purses her lips to keep herself from punching Lucifer in his face.

She would never understand what he didn’t get.

“That’s not what I-” 

And now he’s gone. And Linda is more than a thousand percent sure that she needs a drink after that session.

{/*[~|~]*\\}

A massive anchor has been lifted from you as you signed off on the file. You had been watching the clock since Dan had walked over earlier.

He had a small smirk on his face as he had leaned forward to look around.

“He’s not hiding under the desk to scare me is he?” You had held back the frown that threatened to make itself known as you let a small fake chuckle slip through instead.

“Nope. He left earlier.” Dan nodded as he sat down a few files.

“Lieutenant wanted you to finish these by tomorrow.” You had scoffed, snatching the files.

“I was going to take tomorrow off.” He bit his lip and looked around your desk.

“Any reason?” You had paused and looked up at him, your face scrunched.

“Does it matter?” He then had pursed his lips and nodded, mumbling a ‘no, sorry’ as he walked away.

Since then you had been glancing at the time at the bottom corner of the computer as you worked.

And now it was finally- _finally_ -time to leave.

A small buzz vibrated against your desk and you stood up so fast you thought you might have gotten dizzy, that is if you could even find it in you to _care_.

Your mischievous grin had escalated to a full blown smile as you set the files in the correct cabinet and scurried out of the precinct.

You had to admit, the thought of going home sounded just a bit better than going to Lucifer’s. But at the same time, you doubt he would mind if you both cuddled one another to sleep in those thousand dollar blankets of his.

You quickened your pace to your car as you thought about how he would scold you for calling them blankets instead of duvets.

The car roared to life as did your heart. You pulled out of the parking spot, checking your blind spot and rear view mirrors as you almost broke the speed limit, so excited.

So excited in fact, that you had let his odd disappearance in the precinct slip your mind.

{/*[~|~]*\\}

…

The closer you got, the quicker your mind buzzed to life. When you walked in, the music was surrounding you, making your veins pulse to the beat.

You rushed up the steps and into the elevator as quick as your legs would let you. Letting the music get softer and quieter as the elevator raised you.

“Lucifer!” You scurried out of the elevator before it had even fully had the chance to open. The familiar surrounding sinking into you.

“Luci? You here?” You called out, grinning like a mad man as you took your shoes off and pushed further into the penthouse.

“Lucifer?” You asked again, less sure of yourself.

Was he not here? Where could he possibly be? Was he down at LUX? Was he down at the party? You turned again to the elevator and frowned. Was he dancing with a woman? He usually only went down with you but-

“Y/n.” You spun around, your mouth agape.

“Oh. Luci. Sorry I came in without-” You stopped yourself before grinning at him.

“Hi.” You murmured out, taking a few steps toward him and looking him up and down. He bit his lip gently before nodding, taking a step forward and wrapping his arms around you.

You sighed into his embrace, your hands rubbing up and down his back as your cheek presses against his clothed front.

A white button up and suit pants. You paused before pulling back to look at his loafers.

“Are you going somewhere?” He shook his head, slowly pressing a kiss to your forehead and watching you.

Suspicion creeped its way into your eyes as you looked at him, searching for answers.

“Why are you being so quiet? Did I do something?” You thought back to the precinct and frowned.

“Did I say something? Is that why you disappeared?” You watched his cheek suck in and assumed he was biting the inside of it. Something you’ve almost never seen him do.

Well, you had seen him do it once. When he had watched your reaction to his devil face. Your eyes squint as you look at him.

_Was this about his face, again?_

“You should sit down on the bed, Love.” You visibly tensed at the tone of his voice. Like scolding a child. Yet at the same time it sounded- _mournful_? Was something wrong? Did he need his space? Have you perceived something wrong?

“Is something wrong?” He didn’t reply as he rested his palm on the small of your back and used it to guide you over to the bed. Small thoughts of yanking away riddled away in your mind as you let him sit you down.

“I think we should break up.” You had thought to laugh. And you almost did if he hadn’t sounded so serious.

“Are you serious?” He squatted in front of you, looking into your eyes as he opened his mouth to speak again. You almost didn’t want to listen to him anymore. You wanted to pull the sheets back and ignore him, laying down and letting yourself sleep in his bed.

You were so tired, yet it furiated you to know you had stayed after and did all that work just to spend tomorrow with him.

That was what you had taken the day for- _for him_. A scowl overtook your expression as you glared daggers into his soft looking, chocolate brown eyes.

“I don’t wanna hear it. Don’t you dare say another word.” He let his mouth close as he looked up at you, frowning.

He looked like a puppy. But he also looked like some rich asshole.

“I get it now.” You said, standing up and walking over to his closet. He reached his hand out to grab you but quickly dropped it when you sent him a deadly glare.

“At least it wasn’t a text!” You said sarcastically as you grabbed a few hangers with your overnight clothes that you had brung the few nights you stayed over.

He said nothing as he stayed squatted in front of the bed, watching you.

“I mean you really could have done that. I even texted you and at least I know why you didn’t reply!” He still didn’t say anything as you rambled on angrily. Grabbing the things around the room that you owned.

“I bet you thought about it.” You continued on, grabbing your side toothbrush you had left there the day he told you he loved you while you were fucking. You hissed at the memory as if it burned you.

“Guess I was just a good on hand fuck.” You said, coming out of the bathroom. You watched him flinch as if you had smacked him.

“Don’t you fucking talk to me ever again, you hear me?” He flinched again and closed his eyes.

“I don’t care if you’re sobbing yourself to sleep-” he opened his eyes and looked at you, you could practically feel the pain in them, “-or if Chloe’s vulnerability _murders_ you.” His tongue pokes at the inside of his cheek, creating a small lump. Your eyes dart away from his face as you grab the glass of his nightstand and walk down the little steps, stopping at the bar.

He stands up and you glance up to see him leaning against his archway, watching as you grab a glass bottle and pour yourself a glass.

He squints as you whine when it burns the back of your throat.

“Fuck you and fuck your dick.” He doesn’t respond as you walk into the elevator, hands full of all your stuff.

“I HOPE YOU JERK YOURSELF WHILE YOU SOB, YOU BASTARD!” You hollar as the elevator door closes.

But as it turns out- you’re the one who slowly starts to sob as you stand there, with your hands full of all the stuff you had left there. All your clothes, all your little underwears and knick knacks.

_Fuck him._

Of course the party doesn’t stop. It never stops at LUX. 

_Not even when the man you had made your life about for the past two years, leaves._

And no one gives you a second glance as you walk out, carrying your whole relationship in your very hands.

Your car door slides open and you toss everything in the back, a sob racking through your body.

_Fuck him._

{/*[~|~]*\\}

…

You knock tentatively, sniffling, mascara down your eyes. You’re almost about to change your mind when the door opens.

“Oh. _Oh._ ” Linda says, eyes widening at the sight of you. You swallow the lump in your throat and nod.

“I just came to cancel this week’s appointment.” Linda purses her lips and lets go of the door, taking a step out of it.

“You couldn’t have come all the way to my house just to cancel an appointment.” You sniffle and dig the balls of your bands into your eyes, rubbing away any stray tears and spreading your mascara even further.

“And I don’t feel like we should be canceling it, so much so as to-” Linda sets a careful hand on your shoulder, “-reschedule it to a closer date.”

You’re still rubbing away at your eyes as you let her guide you inside her home. She closes the door with a soft click before coming back and just as Lucifer had earlier, sets her hand against the small of your back to guide you to sit down on the couch.

“Can I get you anything? Have you eaten?” She asks softly, leaning down to rub your shoulder. You shake your head no and wipe your nose with the back of your hand.

She gives you a small reassuring smile.

“I’ll just tell Amenadiel you’re here and start on making you something, hmm?” You nod and let out a small wheeze as you run a hand through your hair.

She pauses before straightening up and making her way into another room. You barely hear her muffled voice in the other room.

Minutes later she steps out, Amenadiel following.

“Y/n.” You look up, tears threatening to flow again.

“Oh, hi.” You manage to say, weakly.

“Hi.” He repeats, frowning at you. Linda just nods and mutters ‘right’ as she scurries away and into the kitchen.

He takes a few small steps towards you as if by any of them you could collapse, the action making you huff out a laugh.

“I won’t bite.” He seems to untense for a moment before sitting down on a small arm chair opposite you.

“Are you-” Amenadiel seems to pause as if he was looking for the right words, “-okay?”

You laugh again, shaking your head as you looked down at the ground.

“I don’t even know what I did.” He purses his lips and eyes you, the small frown toying at the ends of his mouth.

“It’s not so much what _you_ did.” He responds, watching you sadly.

You look up at him, tilting your head confusedly.

“You know why?” Amenadiel doesn’t say anything as you watch him, brows furrowed in confusion.

“Tell me. Please, Amenadiel.” Amenadiel bites his lip as he watches you, almost as if he’s deep in thought.

“Can you at least tell me what it was I said, then?” He only shakes his head and after several minutes, tells you it's not what you said either.

“Amenadiel what happened? Why won't he tell me?” Amenadiel’s eyes glaze over with something you’re not familiar with as he sighs sadly.

“I haven’t the faintest.” And you simply flinch when it _feels_ like something Lucifer would say.

A pang thoroughly makes you want to double over as you search the darker man’s eyes. You search and silently plea until Linda walks in with a bowl of soup.

“Here.” She mumbles as she sits it down on the coffee table and pats down her sweatpants as she sits on the other arm chair on your opposite side.

“Have you told her, yet?” Amenadiel’s eyes dart over to Linda.

“I gave Luci my word.”


	2. I Give You My Word

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mostly just a little catch up to how the Devil's dealing.

{/*[~|~]*\\}

…

Minutes pass.

Long minutes.

“Hell?” Lucifer asks, as if he has finally snapped out of his silent, gaping,  _ stare _ .

The rest of them are just as frozen to their places, none eliciting any responses.

His father just simply looks over at him, and as they lock eyes, something in Lucifer makes him want to physically vomit on the man.

“Yes, Samael.” Lucifer holds back the growl in his throat and simply lets it slide.

Now that he thinks about it, he’s let  _ quite a bit  _ slide.

God tilts his head and Lucifer wants to roll his eyes at the look. He may have been fallen for quite a while now- but he knew that look.

“Stop trying to look inside of me.” Lucifer tries not to sound as irritated as he is.

“I’ve simply missed the look of you with your wings, son.” Lucifer shrugs his shoulders, never looking away from his father as they fold into his very skin.

Lucifer steps forward, being the first of the three men to move any closer to their father.

“I can’t go back, Dad.” Lucifer silently cringes at how puny and needy his own voice sounds. But no one seems to even acknowledge the very weakness that he could feel that poured from him.

“You must, Samael.” Lucifer is just about ready to tackle his father to the ground when a thought stops him.

What could he say? What could he ever even do to stop it? What could he do to change his fathers mind? Lucifer seemingly reminds himself of the one thing that has kept him here as long as it has.

_ You _ .

The Devil spins around and ignores the look of his brothers and father as he steps towards the spot you stay in.

His breath hitches when he looks at the place his hand was, your own hand intertwined with nothing but air now. Lucifer swallows the lump in his throat as he takes a few more steps towards you, almost as if you were to break if he made a wrong move.

He pretends not to notice the cough from Michael as he walks up to you, leaning down to kiss your frozen lips. He’s not surprised when your lips don’t press against his. And he feels his heart tug even more when your lips stay puckered as he pulls away.

He pulls your jaw down and leans his forehead against yours. He lets a soft breath out of his mouth before he turns back to his brothers and father.

Amenadiel is looking at him sadly, Lucifer is sure it is because he knows just what Lucifer is thinking.

That leaving you is going to be the end of him.

Michael is scowling at Lucifer, yet something in his eyes seems just the slightest bit sorry. Lucifer knows that if he ever was to be sorry, the devil would never be able to accept it.

And finally, his father is looking at him with the same expression he gave Lucifer before he kicked him into hell.  _ Disappointment, fear, confusion, sorrow _ .

Lucifer tries not to think about the look too much as he turns back to you, he slowly unpuckers your lips with his finger, tilts your head back up where it once was, and leans you a little further against what once was him.

He just knows in him that they are watching his hands linger just a little too long on you before he finally lets go.

He straightens his suit, clears his throat and walks back to the spot he was at before he turned to you.

It’s silent for a few seconds before Lucifer finally decides to make his past 5 minutes of thoughts aware to the room.

“You will not tell her.” Lucifer says to Amenadiel. 

Amenadiel opens his mouth to protest and Lucifer quirks an eyebrow, as if daring him to finish.

The darker man pauses before snapping it shut again. He nods.

“Give me your word, brother.” Amenadiel doesn’t bother fighting as he nods again.

“I give you my word, Lucifer.” The devil nods, looking down at the ground before up at his father again.

He still has the same look on his face.

“Yes, father.” Lucifer says.

There's no sarcasm, no hatred, no regret, no sorrow, no nothing.

His voice is perfectly emotionless.

Lucifer walks up the precinct steps, passing his father who simply watches him. Lucifer's shoulder is a mere foot away from touching his dad as he turns and climbs the second set of stairs.

Leaving.

{/*[~|~]*\\}

…

“I gave Luci my word.” 

Linda scoffs and spins to him.

“SOME things are more important than your  _ word _ .” Amenadiel shakes his head.

“He made me promise him, Linda. It is his story to tell.” Linda scowls and turns to you.

“Then I will tell-” Amenadiel scoffs.

“You and I both know Lucifer told you during therapy.” She immediately stops and you watch with tears threatening to spill over once again.

“Should I explain to you how patient confidentiality works?” He asks, glancing at you before glaring at Linda.

Your heart might just break. Your brain may just as well.

“Then at least tell her about you!” He pauses letting her words sink in before mulling it over.

You simply let yourself drift into thought, your eyes feeling a bit heavy. You were still tired, and still bored out of your mind and still- your eyes widened.

_ You were still horny for him. _

He watched you pack your bags, not saying or uttering a word as you left.

Your mind supplies a thought again, interrupting your train of thought. Almost as if you and your mind were two different people.

_ You told him not to talk. _

Your mouth falls open as your mind buzzes and darts between thoughts and memories and-

_ Lucifer _ .

You slowly let your eyes fall closed again as you brought your hands together in your lap.

Your breath hitches in your throat when you pray the word to him.

_ “Talk.” _

You don’t open your eyes as you become vaguely aware that Linda and Amenadiel are still arguing. 

Seconds pass by and then you feel the vibration- feel your heart stop as you open your eyes and pull your phone out, looking at.

**_I don’t want you to leave._ **

Your eyes start to water again and you huff out a laugh, catching the attention of the arguing couple. You throw your phone down on the couch and look up at them both, a shit eating grin as you grab the soup Linda had made, and sip.

“Uh, is everything alright?” Your hands are shaking and your eyes are still watering. But you’re just so damn relieved to get any sign of life from him again. It’s making your stomach tingle.

“I-I’m ju-just d-” You fumble over the words, and instead, just sip your soup again, holding back a laugh, holding back a  _ moan _ .

You just miss him. Plain and simply, no other words on this planet for it. You woke up this morning and everything was fine. You woke up in your own bed, in your own home, and you got dressed, driving to the precinct. You worked and waited, and then Lucifer popped in.

His hands roamed over your ass with a little squeeze and you had playfully pushed at him as he whispered something about your jeans being just a bit too tight in the back. You ignored him as he did whatever it was he did. When no longer needed, he was back at your desk, and sitting on it with a pleasant british grin.

You had pushed some papers into your chair and sat with him, and leaned into his shoulder and he was whispering into your ear and then-

Then he was gone, one blink of an eye and his body had disappeared and you had barely caught yourself from falling.

_ What went wrong? _

You were a detective, you would figure it out. You would go over the scene, it was your job after all? It would hurt but you would have to get over it. 

Filing through your own memories with him would tear you open but when you finally found out what you wanted to know-  _ just like in cases _ -it would put you back again.

“Hello?”

You forced yourself to pay attention to the people and voices in front of you as you plastered on a fake smile.

“Do you mind if I take my leave? It’s getting awfully late.” You said, yawning and stretching as you stood. Linda and Amenadiel shared a confused look at you, as if you had grown another head.

You laughed lightly, picked up your phone, and headed towards the door.

“You have a nice night, Linda. Thank you.” And if she wasn’t so confused she would have told you that you were always welcome. Instead she watches with knit together brows as Amenadiel locks the door.

Silently she wondered to herself what just happened.

Yet on the other side of the door, you're rushing to your car to open back up your phone.

**_Then don’t make me._ **

You’re fully aware that the devil is much harder to convince than that. You’re also fully aware of what he will say. But it doesn’t matter what he says, it matters what he’s trying to say.

Now, you think, you’re beginning to understand what’s going on.

He’s trying to push you away.

_ But you aren’t stupid. _

No you’re quite the opposite. If he was to try and pull you away, you would let him. And you knew exactly how to break the Devil’s heart. Just like he was trying to break yours.

**_It’s not that simple, Love._ **

**_Then make it simple._ **

**_How do you suppose I do that?_ **

You held your breath as you started the car, glancing down at your phone again to see his reply, and then to the back of the car where all your things still are.

**_Tell me._ **

So many words left unsaid.  _ Tell me so I can come back to you. Tell me so I can sleep in your bed again. Tell me so I can fix it. Tell me so we can get through it. _

**_I can’t._ **

So many word’s left to hang out in the open.  _ We can’t just get through it. You won’t be able to handle it. You can’t. We can’t. It just can’t. _

And then finally, the words that’s being left between both texts.  _ I love you, still. _

You squint, feeling the tears roll down your cheeks again as you close your phone and focus on driving home.

Maybe this wasn’t a case- maybe he meant it. 

Maybe he’s actually gone.

A small whine left your throat as you turned the street corner, it would just continue to torture you to think about it.

{/*[~|~]*\\}

…

His arms are over his head. He’s lost. Pleasantly yet unpleasantly lost.

He had accepted after he returned from hell, that he was in love with everything you did. He had figured it would kill him more to deny himself from the very sin that you were.

He reasoned that sin was exactly who he was, exactly what he would always want. And there you were, a mortal that looked to the definition of the Devil’s sin.

His mind was blank, he didn’t understand anything, anything about the way you were. He never understood anything about what he wanted. What you wanted.

He thought he wanted you gone, he thought he wanted you to be happy with another man, he had even considered how selfish it was to deny you the choice.

But now he’s laying in his bed and he needs a million drinks. And the only reason he hasn’t  _ drank  _ his whole damn  _ club  _ is because he knows that's what everyone expects from him. That’s what he knows he would do had he just made the biggest mistake of his life.

It doesn’t help resisting the urge when memories of you flood his mind. The devil has an amazing memory, he could choose to think about any moment in his trillions and quadrillions of years of living. 

He’s got half the mind to think it’s his father’s doing.

{/*[~|~]*\\}

…

**_Lucifer? Did you flap those wings of yours to get me some food? I’m starving._ **

Lucifer’s breath hitched and he leans up, grabbing his phone off the nightstand. Light is seeping through the tightly closed blinds, almost like he’s hiding away from the world.

He’s laying on the bed, shirtless, holding his phone in one hand as he lets his eyes flutter closed.

You’re texting him.

He suddenly wishes he hadn’t left. That he had waited. How long has time been unfroze? He hadn’t bothered driving home since the mortals were frozen. He had flown onto his balcony and tightly closed all the doors behind him as he laid down on his bed.

He had never been much of a ‘sleep to pass time’ kind of celestial. He hadn’t even really  _ needed  _ to sleep every night. Just the feeling of his sheets lulled him into a certain calm and comfortness that he never understood.

**_Maybe I should come over?_ **

He was trying his hardest, he really was. He knew if he was to break away, he should very much  _ do  _ just that. He stopped letting himself think as he watched his ceiling.

He focused on the feel of the sheets, on the ache of his heart. And then he let his eyes close as his hands ran up his stomach.

Seconds pass by as Lucifer tries to forget that the world around him is collapsing.

_ “Lucifer-” _

His eyes flash open and he sits up. 

_ “Where are you?” _

He squints and tilts his head, the words poking and protruding into his mind. You were praying now? Have you really gotta make it so hard on him? He’s already sitting alone, in his boxers on his bed, running his hands up and down his stomach.

For dad’s sake, the Devil was  _ never  _ alone. And in return never  _ lonely _ .

If he knew a stripper would be able to fix him he would have already been thrusting into her.

_ This is not a regular problem.  _ He thinks to himself-  _ This is my father forcing me to return to hell. _

His eyes snap open again and he hops off the bed, his pulse racing.

He hadn’t even begun to contemplate that part of the issue!  _ Hell _ .

He runs a few hands through his hair, heaving as he finally pulls his slacks on. Hell didn’t have you in it, yes he had already established that. But  _ Hell _ ? You or no you, Hell is- Hell is never ending  _ boredom _ . Talking to the dead. The guilty. They all, in some way or another, hated themselves.

He loved that the living don’t really worry about it. He can watch a man eat 3 times what his body can digest and the man isn’t thinking about the horrid stomach ache he will have later.

His memory flashes before him as he remembers the conversation you two were having before time had frozen.

Humanity was made of stupidity. But as he was trying to say to you- that was the very thing that he loved about humanity. The live ones, anyway.

Hell. He reminds himself, once again, that he’s going back to hell.

That he doesn’t have all that long. Of course his father wouldn’t assume he would go on instant. But he also knew he didn’t have more than 5 days. Maybe 10 if he really wanted to piss his father off.

_ Not like he hasn’t already pissed Lucifer off. At the very least, he could return the favor. _

10 days would surely suffice.

_ Ding. _

Lucifer turns lazily to his phone as he buttons up his shirt. Clicking it open and reading.

Just on time. Therapy sessions always did the trick.

Lucifer slipped on the rest of his attire quickly as he poured himself a drink and poured it into his mouth, setting the glass on the nightstand. The tall, dark headed man, swished the rare white whiskey in his mouth as he stood in the elevator. Only when the elevator re opened in LUX, did he swallow what was in his mouth, whole.

Had he not had that little bit of the rare white whiskey that he had used a favor to acquire, he surely wouldn’t be able to make it through the day.

He was fairly certain you would show up at his doorstep at some point either today or tomorrow. 

Considering tomorrow you had taken a day off to spend with him. Because he had complained weeks ago that you hadn’t seen one another in what  _ felt _ like years for you, and was  _ actually _ years for him. You had taken one day off every week since, spending both weekends, and your own day off week day on him. He had thanked you in the bed sheets.

A small whine/growl let Lucifer’s throat as he buried the memory of anything  _ bed  _ related.

Lucifer opened the door to his Chevrolet Corvette C1, he let himself melt sadly into the seat as he started up the car.

What even would his life be, had it not been for you?   
  


If he didn’t stop thinking now, he would surely crash and then people would wonder how he survived. And then they would try to murder him, figuring out he really was the devil. And if on the off chance the detective was nearby, he wouldn’t have to worry about waiting 10 days to go to hell, or even break it off with you.

He would already be there, you would already be broken hearted.

He certainly couldn’t die in the next 10 days. He silently drove as he weighed his options. Lucifer could tell you, he could watch you find out every single thing about hell and spend his last 10 days answering every question you have for him. Or he could leave you now, save you the trouble, save you all the trouble in the world. 

You could fall in love with someone other than him and he- well he would try his hardest not to murder the fellow in blind rage. Lucifer never got jealous, he just didn’t want someone who wasn’t good enough for you. 

He could try searching the very ends of the earth for someone who would love and treat you the way you wanted- but the only man he thought would do any of the sort was  _ going to hell _ .

Lucifer ground his teeth together as he stopped in front of the small building Linda currently worked out of. The man climbed and raced up the steps as per usual before opening the door, not bothering to knock.

“Doctor!” The Devil watched her jolt as he shut the door behind him in one swift and very brief movement.

“I think my problems need a bit of attention.” Lucifer sat down on the couch just as Linda had stood and sat back down, opposite of him.

“Why does Amenadieal have to leave? What did you two do?” Lucifer forces himself not to tense and tilts his head at her.

_ What a question, doctor. Whatever did I do to deserve this?  _

“My, my, Doctor. Quite eager to go first I see.” Lucifer watches her carefully as she nods. He can feel a lump in his throat, as much as he hates to admit it, every session made his heart rate spike in the beginning.

“I see Amenadiel decided to inform you of our  _ predicament _ . ” Lucifer is not so sure about how much she knows, he silently hopes to himself that she won't ask him about hell. About the way it feels in his very core when he’s down there. The ash that falls on him and the faint screaming he knows is just his imagination playing tricks on him. 

Each hell loop is sound proof and every time he comes back up to earth, he always spends the first week dreaming about his throne, and the many doors, and the many terrible pleas that after he came up and started working with Chloe- has started to really bother him.

“What do you mean,  _ our _ ?” Lucifer feels the panic flash across his face before he wipes it away in the blink of an eye. So she  _ doesn’t  _ know. Well this is going to be a terribly unhelpful session.

“How good of him to let me be the bearer of bad news.” Lucifer had to hold back the scowl as he shifted and crossed his legs. Something he did to ease himself, try to be a bit more comfortable.

“Michael and Amenadiel are to return to Heaven.” She nodded and he forced himself to clear his expression and mind, “And I am to return to hell… again.” The dark haired man simply stared at her, needing to not show any more weakness than he already had.

“What?” Lucifer picked a piece of lint off of his suit and continued on as if it was nothing. But something in him was angry and the fat man was back to sitting on his chest.

“Yes, Yes. I am to leave for hell the second time this year. Feels like I’ve had a nap or something of that sort. What has it been? A month since I’ve returned?” He has never told her about his dreams. About how for half of his time back, he has told no one about the dreams of hell that plague him at night.

“And you’re-” she pauses, “-you’re not upset by any of this?” Lucifer simply watches her for a few moments, wondering whether he should tell her or not.

He takes a deep breath and the fat man presses harder into him. He wishes he knew why it was that it was harder to breathe and why it affected someone who did not  _ need _ to breathe at all.

“Well of course I’m upset, Doctor. I’ve just been told by my absent father that I have to go back to hell or who knows what will happen? Isn’t speaking to your absent father like a certain goal in moving forward for you human’s? I strikingly remember readin-”

“-Your going to hell again?” Lucifer frowns deeply. Sometimes it was beyond his knowledge of why humans failed to understand the speed in which his usual situations required.

He supposed it was quite rude of him to just hope she would understand- but at the same time wasn’t it quite rude of her to make this situation about her?

She wasn’t the one- he bit his lip -who had to go to  _ hell _ .

“Come on, Doctor, do keep up.” He watched her warily.

““And Y/n knows this?” The Devil’s eyes widen before he forces his face to be void of any emotion, trying to relax his limbs.

“No.”

“And what exactly did you tell her when she unfroze?” Lucifer’s mouth opened before it dropped slightly. Guilt came into his stomach again.

He had left her in the precinct leaned against what was, and now is not, him.

“You did talk to her, didn’t you?” Lucifer grimaces and Linda huffs back in annoyance. The dark headed man silently wishes the ground would swallow him up.

He was the devil after all, wasn’t that to be destined in one of those little books the human’s wrote?

“Lucifer you can’t push her away at a time like this!” He rubs a tired hand over his face and nods. He knew that, he knew he shouldn’t have but he just couldn’t stand there and listen to his dad.

He couldn’t stand to look at her. He might have stayed.

“Yes yes, I am well aware at how much you despise when I do-” He started, her voice was a bit louder than his and he flinched.

“It’s not just despising it, Lucifer. You’re holding in these feelings that will never go away. You’re trying to find a false sense of hope in something that you can’t avoid!”

He knows she’s right, she’s always right. He rolls his eyes annoyedly.

“I don’t want her to have to deal with these…” He pauses and squints, how could he make Linda understand?

“... burdens.” He finishes, more of a question than a statement.

“Look Lucifer, you’re facing away from your problems when instead you should embrace them. You two are a couple now. If you were ever a strong couple to start with, you could get through this.”

He scowls again. She wouldn’t change his mind, he wanted  _ her _ to agree with  _ him _ .

“But-” He starts again, only for her to interrupt him with a firm and commanding tone. Like scolding a child.

“What do you plan to do? Not tell her and then disappear one day? Oh or would you rather pull away and leave her hurt and stranded and thinking she doesn’t deserve love because the man she fell in love with has left her and she doesn’t know where to.”

He wants to tell her everything, just to make her understand. He at least needed one person to understand him before he left, needed ONE soul to finally see what was inside him.

The evil he tried to push back. 

Instead he closes his eyes and mumbles out, ‘She deserves more than love’.

“Exactly, my point, Lucifer.” Lucifer sighs and finally looks back into Linda’s eyes without hesitation.

Maybe he was meant to not be understood. He was the devil after all.

“So I can’t leave her in the blink of an eye, and I can’t drag it out. SO why would I leave her at all when I can leave her?”

He stands up quite angrily as he closes the door behind him, getting in his car and speeding down the road, back to LUX.

You would never understand him the way he wanted you to, if he told you the whole and better story, you would never be able to understand.

Lucifer has finally come to the conclusion that every other mortal had.

_ No one can ever understand you fully, except for yourself. _

He’s pretty sure the feeling in his gut that pulls him into you is wrong. He knows that now. Lucifer will not grow distant, he will not just leave, he will not just tell you.

He will make it short and quick. He will break it off with you and force the two of you apart. It would be over faster, and you will probably hate him so much you will be glad that he goes back to hell.

_ He wants you to hate him. _

{/*[~|~]*\\}

…

Lucifer hears your voice.

He’s springing out of bed and to check his bedside clock. Have you left work already? Have you decided today would be the-

_ I’m not ready. _

He swats at his chest and fixes his hair and forces his steady and even breaths to come naturally as he takes a step outside.

“Y/n.”

He is not thinking about how tired and pitiful you look. And he does not want to rub your back.

_ But he does. _

You spin around and take a few steps toward him and he watches you, his heart tugging and pulling. He wonders if his insides are bleeding.

“Oh. Luci. Sorry I came in without-” You seem to pause and look him up and down, a small smile playing at your lips.

“-Hi.” Lucifer pulls you into him so you can’t see the pain in his face. He closes his eyes tightly as he rests his chin on your head. He can feel your breath through the cotton in his shirt. He can feel your eyelashes.

Why was it now that he can feel and focus in on every detail there was to you?

You pull back and look down at his shoes before back into his eyes. He watches you do so and silently notes how smart you really are. That 3 minutes into seeing him you knew something had gone wry.

“Are you going somewhere?” Lucifer shook his head. He probably wouldn’t be leaving his house for at least the next two days. He didn’t even have  _ time _ to sulk.

The devil hesitantly leans forward and presses a kiss to your forehead, pretending everything he has ever felt for you had been in that kiss.

Suspicion creeped its way into your eyes as you looked at him and he saw it. He saw the way it glinted and he had the slight urge to kiss your eyelids closed just so they wouldn’t look at him like that.

“Why are you being so quiet? Did I do something?” Lucifer watched your expressions as your brain ran wild with worries. He also wanted to kiss your mind blank. He just wanted to kiss you.

“Did I say something? Is that why you disappeared?” He sucks the inside of his cheek into his mouth and nips at it. He watches you look down and stare at the action for a few moments and he knows that you know something is definitely wrong.

_ My smart girl. _

“You should sit down on the bed, Love.” He hates the way it comes out of his mouth. He hates everything about right now but he settles his hand in the small of your back, the nice curve that he likes.

“Is something wrong?” He can’t lie. He won’t.

He forces his hand not to roam as he guides you to the bed.

“I think we should break up.” The devil won't let his facade slip as he says it, he had gotten so far he couldn’t let himself break now.

“Are you serious?” He squatted in front of you, looking into your eyes as he opened his mouth to speak again. He felt the words catch in his throat when you scowled at him.

“I don’t wanna hear it. Don’t you dare say another word.” He let his mouth close as he looked up at you, frowning.

“I get it now.” You said, standing up and walking over to his closet. He reached his hand out to grab you but quickly dropped it when you sent him a deadly glare.

It was tearing him apart as he watched you open the closet doors and hissed at the very sight of his clothes. Knowing you hated him was harder than he thought it was gonna be. He wasn’t so sure he wanted you to hate him anymore.

But he didn’t move. He watched you as you did whatever it was you were going to do.

_ I deserve this. _

“At least it wasn’t a text!” You said sarcastically as you grabbed a few hangers with your overnight clothes that you had brung the few nights you stayed over. He gritted his teeth as he remembered some of the very nights that you had.

You had gotten just a bit too wasted one night at LUX. And sending him a flirty wink you had rubbed your ass against his crotch before scurrying away.

He remembers chasing you down and when he caught you, you were giggling and play fighting him as he whispered the things he wanted to do to you in that dress.

You had dared him to do it, and he feels the lump in his throat as he remembers the events that followed when you both had finally gotten upstairs.

But he said nothing as he stayed squatted in front of the bed, watching you rip your life away from his.

_ Did it hurt you as much as it hurt him? _

“I mean you really could have done that. I even texted you and at least I know why you didn’t reply!” He still didn’t say anything as you rambled on angrily. Grabbing the things around the room that you owned.

He felt a particular pang when you grabbed a picture he had taken with you at the fair. He silently wondered if you would burn it. Maybe even put it up somewhere and faced it to you as you fell in love with someone else. To make him  _ watch  _ it.

“I bet you thought about it.” He silently closed his eyes once you had gone into the bathroom, trying to even his breaths. 

“Guess I was just a good on hand fuck.” His mouth fell open and he snapped his eyes open, and  _ flinched. _

He won't deny it, that one really did hurt.

“Don’t you fucking talk to me ever again, you hear me?” He flinched again and closed his eyes. He almost wishes you would just punch him as hard as you can over and over. Maybe he would invite Chloe over so he could well and truly feel it.

“I don’t care if you’re sobbing yourself to sleep-” He opened his eyes and looked at you. He’s surprised he isn’t crying.

“-or if Chloe’s vulnerability murders you.” His tongue pokes at the inside of his cheek, creating a small lump. Your eyes dart away from his face and he watches you grab the glass of his nightstand and walk down the little steps, stopping at the bar.

He stands up and looks down at you, leaning against his archway, watching as you grab a glass bottle and pour yourself a glass.

He squints as you whine when it burns the back of your throat.

Lucifer hates the way he wishes he could feel the pain you felt. He positively  _ despises  _ every atom of his own being for being immortal, for not being able to feel the very pain you felt.

“Fuck you and fuck your dick.” He grimaces, yet doesn’t utter a single sound as you walk into the elevator, your hands full.

He doesn’t even open his mouth to ask you if you want any help with that. He’s half afraid you would slap him, and half afraid you wont.

“I HOPE YOU JERK YOURSELF WHILE YOU SOB, YOU BASTARD!” He flinches again at how loud your voice is as the elevator door closes.

The Devil just might, he just might jerk himself while he sobs.

He doesn’t even have a bit of pride left in him when you leave. He feels like he has just lost everything and yet at the same time he knows he deserves it. The only respect he has left in him is for you.

He only respects himself just enough to not go to the bar- and instead go to his bed. He is not tired. He doesn’t think he can sleep.

He wants you to come back and stab him in the chest. He knows it won't hurt him but he wants to feel the pressure of it. He wants to get hit by a train, just to feel  _ something. _

10 minutes pass as he lays in his bed and stares at the ceiling. Not even the lulling comfort of his sheets are helping the stiff muscles in his shoulders. His eyes can not close. They will not.

Lucifer scowls to himself as he sits up in a blaze of fury. 

Maybe he should just go to hell now, save himself the burden of dealing with any of this. If he was to leave, who would miss him?

It’s not like he's been back long enough to take LUX off of emergency leave. Amenadiel is not running LUX anymore, but neither is Lucifer. He has hired one of his longest and most loyal employees to manage. If Maze had not left he would have given it to her.

_ Maze.  _

A low growl echoes his throat as he stands up from his bed and shucks off his shoes and shirt. Leaving him in nothing but his slacks.

How could she do this to  _ you _ ? He knew the demon had no problem doing it to him, but you had done nothing to deserve the betrayal. He felt his eyes glow red as he thought about how she had given Michael a knife to throw at you.

If he knew where she was he would rip her head off of her body with his teeth. Maybe even bring the head back to hell and decorate his throne.

His eyes were burning red by that point as he resisted every thought in his head telling him not to get a drink. And slowly, the Devil poured himself a glass of the cheapest bourbon he had- which surprisingly enough still costed hundreds- as he watched the liquid slosh into the glass.

Maybe he would do just that- spend his last few days to find, and wrap his hands around her throat.

He growled lowly as he threw back the burning drink and slammed the glass back down on the bar counter.

He grabs both the bottle and the glass again as he walks over to the piano. He promised himself he wouldn’t-

But the memory of the way your hands feel is coming back to him.

His fingers glide across the keys and he ponders which song he wants to play. Which song he wants to  _ feel. _

He figures it will come to him when his fingers dip into an E minor. The dark haired man flutters his eyes closed when the sound fills the air. He let’s it seep into his skin and his shoulders  _ finally  _ untense.

Lucifer’s expression is empty and his face looks a bit hollowed out as he pressed into another key,and then another. He isn’t playing any song he knows, he’s playing his own.

He’s swaying just slightly and he now feels a bit tired. His eyes are getting heavy but he lets go of the keys and pours himself another glass.

Throwing it down his throat again, just as he had done with the other as he presses in a few other keys again. He starts to hum a random tune to himself as he does so.

He’s  _ composing _ .

The Devil hasn't done so since the 50’s. When he met that wonderful man down on the corner of the street.

He hums even louder to cover the thoughts as he is suddenly painstakingly aware that what he felt for that man has never compared to what he  _ feels  _ for you. That man hadn’t even really knew he was the devil.

He stopped composing when he went back to hell way before the man had even passed. He didn’t care enough to find out what happened to him. The man had never interested him, he simply kept up with his appearances and could keep up enough with the devil’s sexual appetite to keep Lucifer fairly loyal to him.

Lucifer opens his eyes again to look outside as his fingers press into the keys and he tries to remember the order in which he’s pressing them so he could play the same tune again.

He tries not to let his thoughts drift as he starts the composition over- playing it from the beginning and watching his fingers as he listened to the notes.

_ Dun dun doo dah dun dun doo. _

He hummed as he did it, slightly swaying again.

_ La da dun dah dah dun la doo. _

He lets himself think the words, ‘Your eyes become just the deepest blue as tears decide to fall from you.’

He silently leans himself against the piano, feeling like he’s gonna pass out.

‘I wonder if you’d fall with me, if god had pushed us, what a dick he’d be.’ he laughs slightly and drunkenly as he closes his eyes again. Letting himself focus on where the keys were.

He leans back and tilts his head to the sky, exposing the adams apple in his throat as he kept his eyes closed.

_ Le la dee, da, dah, dun la doo. _

Lucifer opens his eyes again and looks down at the piano. He pulls away from the keys to pour himself another drink. This time he takes a gentle sip instead, cherishing the taste.

“Bastard’s probably back on his throne enjoying this, watching me.” Lucifer growls as he brings the drink back to his lips and takes a drawn out sip.

_ Hope you’re having fun, Dad. _

The Devil sets the drink back down and stands up from the piano, leaving the bottle and glass as he walks to his room and lets his slacks slide down his hips. Leaving him in just his boxers.

He settles himself in his sheets and stares up at the ceiling. He’s just about closed his eyes-

_ “Talk.”  _

His eyes widen and he stills himself for a minute before leaping into action- grabbing his phone off the nightstand and opening it, his fingers typing before he can catch himself.

**_I don’t want you to leave._ **

He holds his breath, the breath he doesn’t need to let out. The breath he doesn’t need.

He doesn’t move away from his phone, staring down until he sees the three dots.

Now both his breath and heart have stopped.

**_Then don’t make me._ **

He growls lowly under his breath, mumbling ‘fuck’.

**_It’s not that simple, Love._ **

He watches as you type, wonders where you are.  _ Wishes you were here. _

**_Then make it simple._ **

He closes his eyes and tilts his head, resisting the urge to fly around all of LA, to look for you. To wonder what the bloody hell has taken you so long.  _ Wondering what it is that changed your mind. _

**_How do you suppose I do that?_ **

**_Tell me._ **

He wants to.

**_I can’t._ **

Lucifer waits for you to reply. He’s fairly sure you couldn’t have given up that easy. But when 20 minutes has passed- he knows you have.

He knows you’ve given up on him.

_ And some part of him wishes you hadn’t. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The little lyrics and dee ba doos were just thought up on the spot. If it relates to an actual song- that's purely by accident and I'm sorry.
> 
> :)

**Author's Note:**

> I want each chapter to be 5,000 or more, if it's less you're welcome to spank me- in the comments of course -you sexy readers.
> 
> ;)


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